Monday, August 23, 2010


Beauty is in the eye of the beholder right? I do believe that statement stands very true. I mean Snooki from The Jersey Shore says that she looks for tan, Guido, juice heads. Who probably wear Ed Hardy and gel their hair so that its like a rock. Whereas Danielle Staub from The Real Housewives of New Jersey just wants a rich old man to come in and "save" her and her girls, I bet she isn't quite as picky on looks as she is on the number of zero's in a man's pocket. Me personally I don't really know what I "look" for but I do know what to beware of. Signs if you will, that when I see them, in my mind a big red flashing light comes on that says, "Yeah, no thank you."

It's obviously good and desirable when a guy cares about his appearance and what he wears. It's also nice when men can appreciate designers and labels. The line does have to be drawn somewhere. Me personally I get freaked out by guys who care a little too much about what they put on their bodies. Boys who like to be walking billboards for designers/brands. You know what I'm talking about right? Ed Hardy t shirts with all those weird designs on them, True Religion studded jeans or Dior sunglasses. I mean come one. When people are overloaded with labels like that it's just too much. I tend to associate guys who cover themselves in labels with douchebags. Because typically guys who care so much about their appearance tend to be a little too obsessed with themselves to appreciate anyone else. I really like the Urban Dictionary's definition of a "douchebag"- An individual who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intellegence, behaving ridiculously in front of colleagues with no sense of how moronic he appears. Ever met anyone like that? And it's not even always about what they wear because that isn't everything its also how they act and treat their girlfriends/significant others and those around them. I don't even know how you would characterize being a douchebag completely, but let's say it's a disease or a syndrome that infects certain individuals. It's unfortunately a disease that there is no cure for.
Some signs of a douchebag are as follows-

1. If they're always texting on their phone at all hours of the night and won't tell you who it is. Or they hide their phone all the time. That's just shady. 
2. If they never include you in any of their going out activities. I realize that it's important to have boys night, believe me I'm all for it. But if he's going out 3-5 times per week and he's not including you, something is seriously wrong. 
3. If he's telling you what to wear or telling you what not to wear there's a problem. He should be your boyfriend not your stylist. 
4. If they talk about how much money they make or if they brag about their sweet ride, whatever it may be. It's just not classy to talk about money or boast about yourself. No one like anyone who is conceded.
5. If he wears sunglasses at night inside. It's even better when they have sunglasses that say "Dior" or "D&G" on the side. Blah.
6. If he pops his collar and think its looks good. It's never looked good and it never will. 
7. If he cheats on you. And when you call him out on it he says its that he has a problem and wants to change. Let me tell you ladies any man who has the gull to betray you in the most disrespectful way possible by cheating on you is no man. Cheaters don't change. And you really only look like a fool if you forgive them, by doing so you're telling him that treating you that way is ok. They'll do it again. 
8. If he goes tanning on a regular basis, real men spend time outdoors and get tanned that way. I think at least.
9. If he drives a super lifted truck with that gross ball bag hanging from the back. That's just gross. 
10. If he wears backwards hats and sideways visors you're in trouble. People wore backwards hats in the 90's, they should be left there.
11. If in pictures he doesn't smile and puckers his lips instead. Or if he throws up the old backwards Peace sign in pictures. 
12. If he takes creepy "Myspace" esque photos of himself in the mirror with his cell phone and no shirt on. 
13. If he only drinks light beer like Coors Light and whatever that MGD 64.
14. If he refers to things he doesn't like as "Gay". It sounds so ignorant.
15. Starts fights in bars over stupid things.
16. If he wears tons of jewelry- rings, necklaces and bracelets. My favorite is when guys wear huge crucifixes or cross necklaces, when you know they're so not religious because they believe in pre marital sex and haven't been to church since they were four. 
17. If he spends more time at the gym working out than he does at work.
18. If he's 25 and still lives at home.
19. If his chest is bigger than his girlfriend's.
20. If he displays the brand of his car/truck prominently on the windshield of his car. 
21. Excessive use of cologne, especially bad cologne. 
22. If every other word that comes out of his mouth is a swear word. 
23. Clearly trying way too hard to impress others.
So there you have it 23 signs/characteristics according to myself of a douchebag. Now you may be wondering who is at risk right? Well sorry boys, but all men are at risk to catching this syndrome. Those who are very high risk however are those who are very easily influenced by others, or are insecure and feel like they have something to prove to everyone. Like I mentioned there really is no remedy for being a douchebag. 


  1. OMG, this is just GREAT! I'm passing it along. THanks for the laugh on this Monday morning.

  2. Glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for passing it along Barb! Much appreciated! Hope you liked it too Molly!


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