Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Is chivalry dead?

 Maybe it's just me but it seems as though the notion of chivalry, honor and gentlemen are dead. Ok, maybe saying they're dead is a little dramatic but I do feel as though they are greatly lacking. What is beyond me is why boys don't act more like gentlemen, don't they realize that if they did they would attract quality girls? Don't they want to be someone they can be proud of? I wouldn't say that I date a lot but being 22 I've had my fair share of dates here and there. Don't get me wrong not all my dates have been bad but I've definitely been able to take away from them knowing what I DO NOT want. I guess that is what dating is though, isn't it? To help you figure out what you like and what you don't. I'll share with you a date I had a while back. I met a guy, he was nice, seemed charming blah blah blah. He invited me to dinner at The Met in Seattle- which if you're from Seattle you'll know that's a pretty nice place to go on a first date, I was impressed...a little. Dinner was decent, the food was good, conversation wasn't too awkward, I was having a nice time, until the bill came. Our waiter brought the bill, now when a boy asks you out to dinner one would assume that he is to pick up the bill, right? I mean I've never heard of a guy asking a girl out to dinner and then expecting her to pay. The bill was on the table, he looked at it, looked at me, smiled and just kept talking, so I was like hmm ok he's in no rush- we'll keep chatting, eventually he'll grab it and get it taken care of. Ten minutes went by and finally he started ruffling through his pockets for what I assumed was his wallet. He then moved to say, "Oh gosh Mollie, I totally forgot my wallet at home, I'm so sorry. Why don't you pick this up and I will get it next time." Mind you I'm sitting across from him wide eyed with my jaw on the the floor dumbfounded by what he just proposed. I took a deep breath, smiled and asked him to excuse me for one moment. Little did he know I went to our waiter, asked them to split the bill  in half, I handed him my credit card, paid for my half and took the rest of the bill back to the table. I politely said I took care of my half and to have a good night. I grabbed my coat and walked away, I never spoke to that guy again, I have no idea what he did or how he managed to pay his bill. Crazy huh? I don't make time to deal with silly people like that.

 So what do I think being a gentleman means? Of course it's hard not to turn back time to Hugh Grant in Emma or think of Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice. I've come up with a list of things that I believe are qualities of an honorable, chivalrous gentleman.

- A gentleman never swears in front of a lady, if at all possible and I know it is, refrain from using profanities when you're out with a girl or on a date, even using "shut up" and "stupid".
- When you pick her up, open the car door for her, both in getting in the car and in getting out, it's the polite thing to do.
- Be attentive, ask questions like "May I help you?", "let me get that for you", or "I'll take care of that". Being courteous goes a long way.
- Be polite to everyone, opening the door for the girl and continuing to hold it open if another person needs to get in, you can tell a lot about a guy on how he conducts himself in public and how he speaks to others who are serving you at dinner. A true gentleman is polite in actions and in words.
- Don't stare at other girls when you're on a date, that more than anything is so annoying!
- Don't talk too much about yourself, obviously don't be shady and withhold all information about yourself but the guy should really  be genuinely interested in getting to know the girl, ask questions, be engaging, smile! There is also nothing worse than sitting at a table listening to a guy talk about his favorite video game or sports moment for hours upon hours.
- Take a shower, brush your teeth- hygiene is so important, I know its something that you would think is obvious but I'm just saying. Wear something nice and not too flashy, I always see red flags when I see guys in studded/ripped and washed out True Religion brand jeans with a tightly fitted v-neck shirt and four bracelets on each wrist. Wear nice jeans and a shirt or slacks and a sport coat, girls can appreciate men with great style, at least I can.
- When walking on the sidewalk or on the side of the road, a gentlemen should walk on the outside (closer to the road), whereas the lady should be on the inside, protected from oncoming traffic.
- Be a man, stand up straight, sit up straight, make eye contact and speak clearly.
- If you want to be really ambitious at a restaurant, you'd order everything for her.
- Help a girl with her coat, pull out her chair so that she can sit down, stand up when she gets up to leave the table, wait until she has taken the first bite at dinner before you dig into your meal.
- Compliment her, tell her she looks beautiful, say something about her eyes, or maybe her hair, what girl doesn't like to be complimented?
- Don't get drunk, when you get drunk you get sloppy, and when you're sloppy you're not attractive.
- Don't text or take calls at dinner, unless it's truly a 911 life and death situation.
- Plan the entire date, girls are impressed with guys who possess the ability to take care of an entire evening.
- Keep your word. Don’t say things you don’t mean. If you promise something, stick to it.
- Do not be late.
- Your napkin belongs in your lap not tucked under your neck.
- If you’re trying to have a relationship, let the girl know. If you’re not, and you’re just trying to hit, let them know that, too- honesty is always the best policy.
- Say please and thank you.
- At the end of the night walk her to her door or to her car. Don't ask her to come home with you.

And of course my favorite...
- If you initiate a dinner date or meeting, then you should expect to pay. That works both ways.

I realize that's a pretty long list of things to do and not do, I promise it's not that hard to fulfill them all. You could kind of flip this in reverse and make it applicable to woman as well. Real gentlemen appreciate interesting ladies. I did also want to bring up my date story real quick, I realize some of you may have asked, well what if he genuinely forgot his wallet? Trust me when I say or type, that I could clearly tell he was not genuine. He obviously thought I was an idiot and would fall for his game, lucky for him I'm no passive chick.

1 comment:

  1. LOVE. Now I will go on till I find MY Mr. Knightley :)


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