Friday, June 4, 2010

Break Ups

Say it with me, "break ups suck." I would like to mention that I don't normally like using the word "suck" because I think it's super insensitive BUT this time I make an exception because I don't know any other way to describe a break up, they blow, they're lame, they just suck! What do you think of when that word comes to mind? Sitting in bed in sweats, eating tubs of Ben & Jerry's ice cream, listening to Celine Dion, with a box of kleenex in hand- typically that's what I think of. Maybe it's just me, but doesn't it always seem like the guy is never as bummed about it as the girl? There are lots of reasons why people or couples break up, I'm not here to get into each scenario. I'm generalizing it, let's just say I'm talking about the break up where you both realize you're going in different directions and it's not going to work out, or maybe you just don't feel the same way anymore. However it ends, the loss of a relationship can bring up intense and unwelcome heartache.
The first and most important part, in my opinion is to maintain space. Don't go calling your ex or texting, or emailing or Google chatting- NO COMMUNICATION. At least for a while, I think it's important to take a step back and digest what's just happened. Because really what is the point of rehashing all the drama a day after you call it off, really what is there to talk about? Take time to think about the situation you're in, it's ok to go back and replay things in your mind, to remember good memories and miss them, but don't get too obsessive in mulling over what happened. Maybe you can try and think about the relationship as a learning experience, at least you can say you tried and you'll know better for next time, because I promise there will be a next time (unless you are completely psychotic.) It takes two people to be in a relationship, if your significant other just isn't "feeling" it anymore then it's important to remember that you deserve to be with someone who KNOWS what they want. There is no point in being with another if they don't know what they're doing, you wouldn't get into a plane if the pilot nonchalantly told you he didn't know how to fly it would you? Now that we've established the importance of space and thought, it is ok to go through a "hate" phase for a day or two. Beyond that it's really not worth your time. Make sure you get rid of any and all reminders of your ex, pictures, plants, flowers, whatever, the relationship is over so why leave out anything that reminds you of something that no longer is? Dwelling on painful memories just isn't healthy.  Replace your old flowers with new ones! Change your photos to pictures of you and your friends, or of your dog or maybe a favorite landscape. You need to let go, so you can move forward. Breaking up is kind of like a new beginning, you get to start over and fresh- think of it like that old saying, "out with the old and in with the new." Being optimistic is also key in the healing process, surround yourself with people who love you, with family, you really need lots of positive energy. Staying active I think helps, go for walks, run, hit the gym, try a yoga class you've always been meaning to try, go on a hike, heck go shopping and buy a new red dress and cute pair of pumps. Grab a copy of The New York Times Best Sellers List and pick a new book to read! Do whatever you need to do to get yourself out of the rut you're in, so long as it's not going out and getting wasted out of your mind and drunk dialing your ex, or stalking their Facebook.
In conclusion, though this topic is so vast it's hard to put a cap on it, the most important thing to remember is that you're an amazing person and deserve nothing but the best and for whatever reason the relationship you were in was not meant to be so GET OVER IT. Focus on the positives, embrace yourself, I think being single is a great way to learn more about who you are as an individual. People admire other people who are confident and secure in themselves. Being single also gives you a chance to date around, to figure out what you like and don't like in a potential partner.
The best revenge is living well, enjoy being single! There's nothing like running into your ex when you're in the best shape of your life, when they see you glowing with happiness they're going to be kicking themselves.

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